The Best & Worst Case Scenario Graduation Guide - Student Events

The final term of university is on the horizon! Have you balanced your Jean-Paul Sartre with your Jaeger bombs? Your Michel Foucault with your Mario Kart? Well now's the time to 'straighten up and fly right' and avert potential disaster before your own graduation worst case scenario.

The Morning

Best Case Scenario: You've made it to graduation! You leap out of bed at 7:30am with a spring in your step. Your robe is hanging on the wardrobe and you don your mortar board with a flourish. Today is your crowning achievement, a reward for all those long hours studying.

Worst Case Scenario: You roll out of bed landing on two years worth of dirty track-suit bottoms and animal-themed onesies. You started celebrating 24 hours early. Reaching for the alarm you knock a can of stale lager and fag-ends over your head. Surveying the room, your robes and mortar board are mysteriously absent. Looking down at the stethoscope around your neck, you remember you traded outfits with a newly graduated doctor at the club. This would explain the hairnet.

The Ceremony

Best Case Scenario: Your name is called, striding forward you shake hands with your head of department. As he hands over your '1st' in a 'respectable degree' he remarks how your hard work and attitude has exemplified the principles of the academic study. The applause rises to a crescendo as your parents look on with tears glistening in their eyes.

Worst Case Scenario: In a monotone voice, an aloof stranger hands you your 3rd in Media Studies. You lost your head of department after a disagreement in the kebab shop last night (he tried to steal the garlic mayonnaise and was tackled by the Turkish proprietor). Your dad drily remarks that Nuts magazine are giving away 3rds in Media Studies with their latest issue.

The Dinner

Best Case Scenario: You take your seat at the table amongst the best and brightest and settle down to a dinner of medium-rare beef and crispy roast potatoes. The atmosphere of optimism for the future is contagious. In the summer you plan to rendevzous on the beach in Bali after your internships in the city. Over a chocolate ganache, you make plans with your friends to start a business exploiting some new untapped market. In three tears time you are rich.

Worst Case Scenario: Bypassing the plate of Iceland party range, your turn to the bottle of wine the department has kindly provided for the fifteen people seated at the fold-up table in the cafeteria. Luckily, you won a trophy for 'Most Likely to End Up on Reality TV' and you fill it to the brim (it holds 500mls!). A cork lands in it and grimacing, you down the lot. By the time the choc-ices arrive, you've drunkenly devised a new game show where contestants race a truffle-hunting pig through a maze and you're aggressively explaining it to the person next to you.

The Ball

Best Case Scenario: You enter the venue between illuminated twin doric columns and the sound of a four piece jazz quartet fills the high-ceilinged hall in front of you. Your shimmering silk gown cascades to the floor and you sweep into the room there's an intake of breath. The music picks up tempo and selecting a dashing young man of your choice you lead the first dance.

Worst Case Scenario: The taxi drops you off at Oceana where you join the queue for 'Cheese Night' behind a stag-do in full drag. The stench of eau de toilette is overpowering. Inside you finish your third Desperado and wash it down with a shot of Apple Sourz. Your middle aged lecturer corners you, she's wearing a mini-skirt and lassos you with her school tie. Spluttering excuses, you look wildly around for an escape route. As she reels you in, you resign yourself to your fate.


These may be extremes, but whether you need to 'loosen up' or 'buckle down', the clock is ticking! We can't sit your exams for you, but we can take care of creating your own bespoke graduation ball. So make sure your own graduation day isn't a cause for commiseration and celebrate it in style aboard a luxury boat venue!

By Joe Couling, an online content writer for the West End on the Thames.

Posted Mar 28, 2014

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