What happens when you organise the office party late...

The office party can be an opportunity to 'let your hair down' and 'mingle' with your fellow employees away from the hierarchy and restraint of the office. It's an invaluable tool for bond building, moral-boosting and a host of other buzzwords and pointless jargon. But if you organise it late, the benefits of the office party can be reversed and pay you back dividends in shame and regret. Beware!

Disastrous outcomes of late planning to be avoided at all costs...

1) The Venue

To thank your staff for all their hard work and take them away from the stress-inducing atmosphere of the office, you've organised a summer party at the most sought after of venues... Your office! With a bit of sparkle and streamers made from strips of sensitive documents you've retrieved from the shredder, the office is transformed! Start the party at 17:01 and switch Nespresso for a Negroni. You can't get out of it, because you're already there!

2) The Bartender

Those bartenders have become pretty talented these days with their bottle-juggling, dry ice and high-end cocktail recipes. Don't worry, 'Dave from Accounts' has got it covered! He even has a bottle of gin on standby in his filing cabinet! But there's no tonic, or limes, or...glasses. Ok so it's straight gin, in a mug...a dirty mug. "Wah iss not good ernuf fer yer...grrblehrabler." Er, just back away slowly...

3) The Entertainment

"Barry from I.T. has put together a little show for us. Who likes... magic? Barry's kindly agreed to take a night out from his busy children's entertainment schedule to be with us tonight!"

"The rabbit's clearly concealed down his trousers."

"Just humour him."

"Wait a minute. I thought he only did card tricks..."

"Oh god."

4) The Music

I've got seven words for you. Now...That's...What...I...Call...Music...46. Classic.

5) The Memories

"Do you remember the 2014 office summer party where we all bonded? Hahahaha!" You can't put a price on memories like that. Right? But the reality is that a poorly planned office can be deeply traumatising experience.

After too much straight gin, your Hitler impression is poorly received by the contingent from the German office. You start blubbering when 'Tracey from the front desk' tries to take away your car keys and you end up hiding in the stationary cupboard cramming your pockets with Sharpies. On Monday, you can't make eye contact with 'Franz the GM'. You withdraw into your cubical, communicating only via email. Eventually your embarrassment becomes so keen, you abscond from society altogether and retreat to a shack in the forest. After living on berries and the occasional shrew for many years, you finally lie down to die on a bed of pine needles and a pillow stuffed with moss. The whistling wind is the only witness to your passing. As you leave this life, you hear its haunting voice. It whispers..."whoo-oooh, you totally misjudged the tone of the room when you did that Hitler impression, whoo-ooh, and you should never have drawn that moustache on your bare backside whoo-oooh."

So for goodness sake organise the office party NOW.

By Joe Couling, an online content writer for the West End on the Thames.

Posted Mar 27, 2014

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